5 Standards I Simply Won’t Compromise On
A midlife manifesto on self-love, wellness, and everything else in between.
If age brings wisdom, then entering my 40s has been a masterclass.
The other day, I found myself thinking about what each decade has taught me:
In my 20s, I learned the importance of defining what I wanted — and didn’t want — in my relationships.
In my 30s, I realized that my self-worth isn’t tied to my job title.
And in my 40s? I’ve embraced the power of living unapologetically on my own terms.
Each lesson has ushered in a shift — a new standard for how I live and lead myself.
That is exactly what today’s post is about — the standards I refuse to compromise on in life, especially now in my 40s.
1. I stopped waging war with myself.
In this post, I shared my long history with poor self-image.
Beating myself up mercilessly became exhausting until one day, I decided: no more.✋🏽
But omphhhh, even in making that decision, I have to remember to make it again.
Over and over.
Every.
Single.
Day.
Am I perfect at it? Of course not.
But I’m devoted to getting a little better each time an unkind thought circulates in my mind or a careless word crosses my lips.
Truthfully, one of the most transformative steps I took was leaving social media.
When I was on it, I was in a trance: the mindless scrolling. The constant comparisons. The assumptions I made about others and their lives. And how I stacked up against them.
Honestly, it was a lethal cocktail for my self-esteem.
The endless noise left little room for me to hear my own voice; my own desires; my own thoughts.
Leaving has been one of the greatest gifts I’ve given myself because I am no longer a slave to the algorithm or what anyone else is doing. I now have space to focus exclusively on my life instead of others’.
And that has been freedom.
To be clear, I don’t believe social media is all bad (it can be a wonderful tool to build connection); transparently, I may even return in the future.
Until then, this hiatus — for me — has been just what I needed on my personal path of self-discovery.
2. I buy myself the damn flowers.
This past year, I’ve made a conscious effort to make everyday moments feel beautiful — lighting candles for a simple Tuesday dinner, playing music while I cook, or dressing up even when I haven’t a place to go.
Some call it romanticizing your life. I simply call it living.
For years, I expected Josh to be the one to do sweet things — surprise me with flowers, compliment me out of the blue.
Then I had a radical realization:
Why not compliment myself?
Why not get dressed up for me?
Why not buy myself the damn flowers?
We come into this world alone, and we leave it alone.
So in those moments in-between, why not make it a love story?
As Oscar Wilde said:
“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”
Cheers to that. 🥂
3. I make health & wellness my #1 priority.
As I approached midlife, my health came into sharp focus.
And for the decades ahead, I had bold visions for the future:
I want to take up competitive swimming in my 40s and 50s (with these shoulders and sweaty palms, I am built for the water 🏊🏽♀️).
I want to rollerblade in my 60s.
I want to carry groceries with ease in my 70s.
I want to garden — joyfully — in my 80s and 90s (still working on that green thumb though 🪴😭).
Aging is a privilege, not a punishment.
I’m caring for my body now so she can carry me gracefully into the decades ahead.
That means:
Prioritizing mental health through therapy, journaling, and inner work.
Eating nutrient-dense foods — while still making space for burgers and pizza when the craving calls because… balance. 🤷🏽♀️
Moving my body every day — with intention — whether it’s a walk, strength training, or impromptu dance breaks in the living room (to the song on repeat in my head on any given day).
For the first time in my life, I feel deeply at home in my body, because now I treat it with total reverence vs. resentment.
4. Quality is my non-negotiable.
“Buy the best and you’ll only cry once.” ~ Miles Redd
In my 20s and early 30s, I was the queen of bargain bedding and fast fashion — only to have everything fall apart after a few uses.
Had I skipped buying those low-quality items, I probably could’ve spent the same — or even less — on one beautiful, lasting version.
Nowadays, I crave quality:
Fewer, but better.
Longevity over quantity.
Intention over impulse.
That’s why timeless, well-made items are now my new baseline.
5. I invest in my mental well-being.
Mental input determines mental output.
So, I’ve become selective about what earns prime real estate in my head.
That’s why I protect my inner world ruthlessly and devote time to practicing mental hygiene with the habits below (though I’m certainly not above a good indulgence — Buzzfeed quizzes have me in a chokehold and if watching Seinfeld on repeat is wrong, I don’t want to be right):
Reading: I devour personal development books, often re-reading ones that inspire me — some favorites include these below (which you can find on my Bookshop here among others):
Self Help by Gabrielle Bernstein
Worthy Human by Tracy Litt
Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz
Journaling: I write often to help me unpack long-held belief systems I no longer choose to subscribe to.
Listening to podcasts: I tune into voices that expand my mind and challenge what I accept as truth; current favorites include:
As one of my favorite quotes goes:
“Every choice you make is a vote — either for the [person] you once were or the [person] you’re becoming.” ~ Tonya Leigh
And you — what are you no longer compromising on in your life?
I’d love to hear from you!👇🏽